Thursday, February 17, 2011

Crushed


When I was a teenager I had a massive crush on a girl I knew. She was absolutely gorgeous and had a very sweet feminine energy about her. Even though I was what others called a pretty ‘awesome cool dude,’ little did they know that I was plagued by self doubt and self esteem issues.

Regardless to say, I kept my emotions to myself even though some of my friends tried to coax me into disclosing my feelings to her.

How could I? I was so nervous when she was around and she too never seemed too interested in me.

Time passed and I forgot about her.

After a couple of years, I was at a local supermarket when I bumped into a friend of hers. We exchanged pleasantries and then I asked her about the girl I had a crush on.

“How is she and what’s she up to these days?”
“Oh, she just got engaged!”
“Cool,” I replied trying to appear distant.
“You know, back when we were in school, she had a massive crush on you?”
“REALLY,” my eyes must’ve popped out in disbelief as it came out much louder than I expected it to.
“Yeah, she replied plainly, “I thought you already knew.”
“Huh, how would I know? How could I possibly know,” I complained feeling an uncomfortable feeling of regret creeping over me.
“Everybody knew about it! She was crazy about you, she wrote poems for you in the back of her school registers. She never had the courage to come and speak to you because she was too shy and nervous. She loved you! How could you not knowww,” she joked lightheartedly.
“But I just didn’t,” I replied weakly.
“Alright, gotta run now! Give me a call sometime and we’ll catch up,” she told me as she hurried out of the shop with her grocery bags.

I stood there, not knowing how to feel, I was crushed. The person who I loved had all the while loved me back. But none of us approached either one of us just because we thought that the other was not interested.

All this while, I lived in my perception that I was not deserving, not good enough, she would not be into me and other self imposed limitations.

I never knew that I was always the chosen one.
This happened about 7 years ago. I learned a very important lesson that day, which I still remember to this day. If you found it in my words, apply it in your life.


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