Everyone has some memory that they would like to delete
from their mind. Maybe it’s something you wish had happened or maybe it’s
something you wish shouldn't have.
In any case, feelings of shame, guilt, anger, betrayal,
loneliness, helplessness, hopelessness, revenge, sadness or any other negative
emotion is normal.
I have been there.
People who used to say shit like, “It doesn't matter, get over it, etc,” I used to want to kill them with my bare hands! I felt like
nobody understood me.
Until the day I could not bear the pain anymore, I
decided to face my demons head on and the insights I found sorted out my issues
completely.
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| Is the wall really moving or is it just your mind that's making it up? |
Case # 1
If it’s the painful truth you got to know regarding
someone from that very person:
Be grateful, that he/she told you something very
intimate. Just like a smart person doesn't go about advertising their feelings
because the market isn't always ready, be glad enough that you are special
enough to know the truth.
I know, truth sucks and we have our own versions of how
life should be. But we don’t get the simple fact that life is beautiful. Just
like a seed, takes time to grow into a tree, maybe whatever is happening or has happened is just a tiny step for you to become what you want to be.
Case # 2
If you got to know something about someone from someone
else:
"When someone lies to us, it's for two reasons only, either they are saving themselves by lying or are saving you from the truth." -Ankush Modawal
Ask yourself, these questions:
a). Do you trust the person who told you this?
b). Are there others who could validate this?
c). Is the person in question here deceptive by nature?
d). Does he/she lie often?
e). Do you suspect there is more to this than meets the eye?
f). Does this person bring you down?
g). Is this person unreliable?
If the answers to most of these questions are yes, then
there is a pretty high chance that this person is toxic.
If he/she matters a lot to you, you can try to confront them
but if you are then constantly met with denial, it is best you both part
ways for your own sake.
"Don't try to fix another's life so much so much so
that it fucks up yours." -Ankush Modawal
However, if there is a genuine problem, try to help them
as much as you can and encourage them to be kind to themselves and others.
Case #3
When you can’t change what happened:
Whatever happened wasn't that glamorous anyway as much as
we dramatize it in our minds. Our own imagination can become our greatest enemy by
conjuring up images that will only lower our self esteem. While we cannot change what happened, we can change how we think about it.
Realize that just like you were a very different person
one year ago or two years ago, the same is the case with everyone. They might
also have not known you at that point of time so it’s irrational to
blame them or yourself.
“A single idea is enough to change your perception about anything.” –Ankush Modawal
You are always going to be dealing with your mind. The
more you think about something, the more alive that idea becomes. So what you
are actually seeking refuge from is your own imagination. A change of
perception or perspective is required.
There are a lot of sides to a single story and if
that story hurts, then you are probably looking at it the wrong way. Communication and listening is the key here.
Everyone involved should be allowed to speak in a calm and peaceful manner. Feelings should be allowed to be expressed with compassion and composure.
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| 4 or 3 or both, who's right? |
“Whatever happened might be painful, but the extent you
suffer would be the exact amount of time you think about it.” –Ankush Modawal
Also remember that time heals everything. If anything that bothers you happened recently, give yourself time, permission to cry and get it out of your system.
Case # 4
If it’s you who did something horribly wrong and seek
comfort in your present:
A lot of people refuse to feel guilt or shame so if you are
one of those nice people, who do feel bad over hurting others consciously or
unconsciously, know that nobody is perfect. The first to accept his/her mistake is the wisest and the most peaceful.
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| I hereby pronounce you, forgiven! |
Given the circumstances you faced, the
person you were, the company you kept at that time or your upbringing, there
are a lot more things that could have led up to what you regret. The answer is
always love and lies in to seek the forgiveness of others or oneself.
"In every painful situation, either something needs to be forgotten or someone needs to be forgiven." -Ankush Modawal
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