Forgiveness - A true story

This is a true story of a girl who once was my friend. We were talking over the phone and she was telling me about her mother who had died when she was about 16 years old.

She started telling me about her and after a while, choked up and started crying.

She told me, “You know, till date I keep my ammi’s photo besides my bed. Do you know why?”

“Because you miss her?” I asked.

“Yes, I do. But the main reason is because I have a regret. When she was on her deathbed and taking her last breaths, she gestured to me with her hand with whatever little strength she had for me to come closer.”

“I was too angry at her because of some stupid fight we had 2 weeks ago. I shouted at her instead. She cried and reached out to my hand as much as she could, desperately, but I didn’t even let her touch me.”

“In a few minutes, she closed her eyes forever.”

“No matter how much I cried since that moment onward, no matter how much I hugged her, I couldn’t touch her. I regret that I could not forgive her at the right time, I regret that I could not touch her the one last time. I could not tell her how much I loved her.”

People think I am perfect. That’s logical right? I mean an author who talks so positively about empowerment, about spirituality and all. The truth is, I am not. In fact, I have done some really terrible things in my life that till this day, I wish I could take them back.

I too have been blinded by anger, rage and almost every negative emotion that almost everyone else goes through.

Each and every instance has taught me to become more loving, more tolerant of others and the most important lesson, to forgive.

It’s true, hurt people, hurt people. If you are reading this, ask yourself, who do you need to forgive in your life? You wouldn’t have to look too far in your mind.

Forgive them. Forgive them for what they could not be for you, for what they were never able to give to you, forgive them for being human and having their fair share of faults.

There is truly a lot of healing power in forgiveness. Remember, it is only the strong of heart who can forgive. Forgive yourself and others because if you are looking for the guilty, you would just have to look in the mirror.

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Using Negativity Positively

"The problem with this wonderful vibrational Universe we live in is that we get what we look for." -Ankush Modawal

Not just at one point of my life, I have had the very strong desire to stop living. When the negativity inside you breeds like an unchecked weed, you know that you are headed steadily in the direction of trouble.

There have been countless times in my life when everything seems to be working out for me on the outside but I was dying inside. So what did I do?

You cannot fight negativity with negativity, it will multiply itself. You have to ignore what you don't want and focus on what you DO want.

Not many have been able to master this simple technique but this is the only technique that works when dealing with anything.

The most important thing in this life for you to do is to figure out what you want in it. You have to find what you are looking for.

Since childhood, I have faced a lot of negative issues and each time I did, I became very clear as to what I did want to have in my life. Since, I figured out most of all this stuff myself and writing was my passion, I began to write about uplifting others and how they can achieve success in their lives.

I became a very successful author ONLY BECAUSE of facing negativity and learning from it what I truly wanted in my life.

Now, whatever negativity you are facing, look at it very dispassionately and realize that whatever negative situation that has manifested in your life, you want the opposite of that. Here are some of examples:

-ve
My life has been full of struggles.
+ve
I can relate well to those who are struggling with their lives and can help them better because I understand how they feel.

-ve
I have never been financially very successful.
+ve
I have come to know the value of money so that when I became successful, I knew it's value.

-ve
I have been cheated on in my relationships.
+ve
The people who cheated on me showed me the error of my ways and I got to learn a lesson from them.

There is a positive seed in every negative situation. So sit down someplace peacefully, get a notepad and a pencil and sort out your emotions by using the above technique of using negativity positively.

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Crushed

When I was a teenager I had a massive crush on a girl I knew. She was absolutely gorgeous and had a very sweet feminine energy about her. Even though I was what others called a pretty ‘awesome cool dude,’ little did they know that I was plagued by self doubt and self esteem issues.

Regardless to say, I kept my emotions to myself even though some of my friends tried to coax me into disclosing my feelings to her.

How could I? I was so nervous when she was around and she too never seemed too interested in me.

Time passed and I forgot about her.

After a couple of years, I was at a local supermarket when I bumped into a friend of hers. We exchanged pleasantries and then I asked her about the girl I had a crush on.

“How is she and what’s she up to these days?”

“Oh, she just got engaged!”

“Cool,” I replied trying to appear distant.

“You know, back when we were in school, she had a massive crush on you?”

“REALLY,” my eyes must’ve popped out in disbelief as it came out much louder than I expected it to.

“Yeah, she replied plainly, “I thought you already knew.”

“Huh, how would I know? How could I possibly know,” I complained feeling an uncomfortable feeling of regret creeping over me.

“Everybody knew about it! She was crazy about you, she wrote poems for you in the back of her school registers. She never had the courage to come and speak to you because she was too shy and nervous. She loved you! How could you not knowww,” she joked lightheartedly.

“But I just didn’t,” I replied weakly.

“Alright, gotta run now! Give me a call sometime and we’ll catch up,” she told me as she hurried out of the shop with her grocery bags.

I stood there, not knowing how to feel, I was crushed. The person who I loved had all the while loved me back. But none of us approached either one of us just because we thought that the other was not interested.

All this while, I lived in my perception that I was not deserving, not good enough, she would not be into me and other self imposed limitations.

I never knew that I was always the chosen one.

This happened about 7 years ago. I learned a very important lesson that day, which I still remember to this day. If you found it in my words, apply it in your life.

★
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SHIT! I saw it yesterday..

Yesterday evening, it was raining in Delhi and I decided to go for jogging in the nearby park.

After I was done, I got off the concrete jogging track and started walking towards a bench to rest my behind.

As I was sauntering, I admired the beauty of the lush green grass beneath my feet and I stared in awe, at the magnificence of the creator I saw in every blade of grass, AND RIGHT THEN, I SAW IT!

A perfectly swirled, like a chocolate Ice Cream scoop, some fresh dog poop!

The first question I asked myself, "How did I attract THIS?"

At one moment, I am appreciating nature's beauty and how the rains make everything greener, but THIS?

And then, I remembered an epic moment from Viktor Emil Frankl bestselling book, Man's Search for Meaning, when he was offered to eat, a bowl of water with a raw fish head swimming precariously in it.

Viktor was a Jewish psychiatrist and he was one of the prisoners in Hitler's concentration camps. His story depicts how he managed to outlive, survive and escape the Holocaust just by the power of his mind and the things he looked for deliberately in every 'shitty' situation.

So I did get my answer.

In reality, it was all up to me and how I saw things as they were happening or being presented to me.

When presented with something in your life, with which you don't know what to do, learn to maintain a vibration of appreciation and that is something that you should and MUST do.

When you take 100% responsibility of the shit that happens in your life, miracles soon follow because in that very moment, you take back all your power.

So the reminder that I got yesterday, was to appreciate things as they come, appreciate them as they are, pay attention and keep your eyes open otherwise you are bound to step into some shit.

✯
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Post Subject: (18+) SHIT! I saw it yesterday..
© Ankush Modawal 2010. All rights reserved.
Written on 6th July 2010, 14:02 New Delhi, India

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I am a 'lucky' guy!

"The path of excess leads to the tower of wisdom."

I have been writing from the past 12 hours non stop. Blue Book (my 3rd book), that is to be released soon will be the MOST IMPORTANT book I have written till now.

When people see me, they don't see a 24 year old self made author, enterpreneur and a Feng Shui Practitioner.

They see a 24 year old 'lucky' guy.

And when I hear these common and frequently tossed arround words, "Ankush, you are so lucky," I smile without saying a word back to them.

If only they knew what I have been through to become 'lucky.'

It takes a titanic amount of passion, intensity and wrath, to conquer the evils of negative thinking, feelings and behaviors.

People will never see and would rather prefer not seeing all the sacrifices, blood, sweat, tears and shit you went through, just to become what you dream to be.

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=82360&l=0681e5fa4b&id=100000932870629

The ONLY way to be lucky is to become your own slave, to become your master. You need to know that. You need to live that, because that's what I live by.

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Who is that guy/girl?

The quality of your life depends upon the quality of emotions that you feel every day.

Just like junk food screws you up, any toxic emotions you feel like hate, rage, revenge, jealousy, guilt, shame etc. will keep holding you away from becoming the person you want to be.

Just imagine, if you were the owner of 10 multi million dollar companies, had 8 pack abs (for guys), had a Megan Fox figure (for girls), had meaningful and deep relationships with people around you, would you still feel the way you feel right now?

I bet you wouldn't!

However/whatever you feel right now, isn't something that the DREAM VERSION OF YOU would want to feel.

So what's stopping you from becoming the best version you want to become of yourself?

Maybe you have toxic relationships. Maybe you don't have a very good relationship with money. Maybe, your health is just fucked up!

Who is that guy/girl that you want to become? How does he/she feel on a daily basis. When you have figured this out, BINGO!

So remember, you are just a few emotions away from becoming THE DREAM version of yourself.

Have a sexy day ahead of. And always remember, I love you, you sexy thing =D

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